"The Dream Hex" Shows Up Big In Florda's 65-63 NCAA Finals Victory Over Houston

By Dick Burroughs

That was an exciting championship game last night...said nobody besides the most delusional Gator fan. That game was stinky. It stunk like funky French cheese found in a cave by hobbyist archeologists. Watching the Florida Gators defeat the Houston Cougars 65-63 on Monday night, felt like watching a bad movie you hoped would get better, so you watch it til the end and immediately regret it.

Florida and Houston shot 25% and 24% respectively from the 3pt line, yet they kept on Bubba chucking, and neither team shot better than 40% on 2pt attempts.

Houston was doomed off the rip after The Dream nightmare hex was likely put on the team by a random, disgruntled Nigerian in Houston after security wouldn't let Cougars icon Hakeem Olajuwon celebrate with the team, after their 70-67 final-four victory over Duke.  That Whoopie Goldberg hand and the words"Til you do right by Dream," immediately come to mind.

Was it the Houston Cougars who denied him access? Likely not, as the NCAA runs most of the security for the final four. But facts are just opinions wearing retro Jordans with a tailored suit and in the phantom hex maker's opinion, the Cougars were guilty.

Houston Cougars coach Kelvin Sampson did a horrible coaching job and seemed like the primary target of that hex. No spacing, nobody seemed sure of what they were doing. Terrible plays coming out of timeouts. He should be on a mission to reverse the hex, lest it lingers and shows up in off-court areas of his life.

JUST WANT A GOOD GAME

Nobody has team allegiance unless the college you went to is in the finals, you live close to a school or you're just a Duke/NC/Kentucky/Michigan fan without any student affiliation.  I went to Rutgers so I never have any skin in the NCAA game. In which case I just want an exciting, well-played championship game, and perhaps I can spot a potential draft pick I didn't previously know about.

Not this game. Nobody got hot. Not one player stood up on the biggest stage and showed out. All kinda ugly jumpers like Lavar Ball opened a shooting academy and these were his top students. None of the big men had touch around the rim, throwing the ball at the hoop like it was an Angel Reese mix-tape, but none had her relentless tenacity needed to keep snagging their missed shots.

The guards didn't have tight handles but kept trying to cut through double and triple-teams as if they could simply channel the Kyrie Irving dribble package with a well-timed sideline chant.

And the nerve to drop that stinker of a championship game on National Beer Day. They should not have allowed those dudes to even have beer after that game. NO BEER FOR YOU! OK, maybe PBRs since apparently, America really needs the business, but damn sure not any decent beers which are tariffed up and could get pricier.

But these kids can afford tariff beers now with all the NIL money bouncing around college towns. Maybe we need to return to manilla envelopes stuffed with moolah passed under the table. That could be the missing energy. It's too comfortable with wire transfers and bank checks. It's like they're buying weed from a dispensary where it's pristine, clean, and sanctioned. They need that storefront energy, where you buy weed through a bullet-proof window and pick up two Newport loose just in case. Hey kid, can you spare a few bucks so I can pay my bar tab after watching you guys provide that anti-entertainment on national TV last night?

That's your punishment: only American beers for you until the end of the semester. But the end of the semester is likely today for the players declaring for the upcoming NBA draft. Who's going to the lecture hall when you're going to the league in a few months? 

But how dare the refs conspire to keep Duke out of the championship game, at least SOMEBODY on Duke would have gone on a heater and entertained the people. Maybe if Duke wasn't so smug with Cooper Flagg this and Cooper Flagg that, perhaps the refs wouldn't make those questionable calls/no calls. Am I blaming Duke, the victim? Of course, but blaming the victim is the American way if you're Black, and we gotta start treating everybody the same says D. Trump.    

But honestly, Thank you college basketball, at least it didn't go into overtime.